Big shit poppinSo anyways, yesterday afternoon, I get this idea in my head - "You've never read any Dostoyevsky. Why don't you do something about that?" So I hops in my Passat and I cruises on down to the local Borders, determined to pick up Crime and Punishment (why Crime and Punishment, you ask? Because the Penguin Classics edition has a cool painting of a bad ass pilgrim-looking dude on the cover - probably a portrait of Dostoyevsky himself, but since I'd never read any of his books, how the fuck would I know what he looks like? Kind of putting the cart before the horse if you ask me.)
At Borders, I head over to the literature section, which is a comparative backwater set to the side of the store - guess they need all that room for anime and Garfield treasuries right there in the center. I make my way to 'D', and sure enough, there's all the Dostoyevsky that I could ever want, and there's my Penguin Classics edition, ready to gussy up my bookshelf with some serious reading cred. Also, I pick up Tolstoy's War and Peace. Why, you ask? Because he's Russian too, and what the hell, while I'm at it, et. al. Good thing they didn't have any Turgenev. People who visit me are going to think I'm so smart. "Hell yeah I read the shit out of that book now let's put on our thinking caps and nerd it up." Good times.
Interesting side note: Borders always has a pretty hefty line to check out. You would think that where I live would be the most well read place in the world, because it seems like half the goddamn town is in line sometimes. Also, I don't read Harry Potter (but until today, you could have said that about Dostoyevsky), so I don't know who Severus Snape is, but I do know that if I was getting someone a Borders gift card, I would choose Severus Snape: Foe. I guess we'll all know what side he's on come July 21st. Seriously, I wonder if people were this psyched about the Bible when it came out. "Wow, thanks Ezekiel. You know, not all of us got to the part where he comes back from the dead yet, but hey, I only waited like 2,000 years for this thing to come out, you jerk ass."
While I stand in line, I think of all the ways I can insert the fact that I am reading Dostoyevsky in conversation:
You: Oh hey what's that book you have there?"Yeah," I sneer to myself as I hand the cashier my Borders Rewards keychain, "being well read is going to be totally rad."
Me: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I mean, what the hell, I read Crime and Punishment this summer, so I figure I deserve to spoil myself!
You: Can u believe President Bush pardoned Scooter Libby?
Me: You know, it's like Dostoyevsky says, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
You: I just went to Russia.
Me: Transformers was totally awesome.
Miscellany:
My homeboy Jorge sent me this hilarious take on the iPhone.
This piece in Slate showcases a memorandum from the Nixon White House illustrating the similarities between Tricky Dick and Ricky Henderson.
The New Republic continues to fight the War of Ideas(free registration required) so your head don't 'splode.
