"Also, I Forsee a Return to $2 Gas, and You Might Even Still Own Your Home"

Dirigibles will fill the skies, and robots will play jazz

Senator John McCain today projected that most American forces would be withdrawn from Iraq by 2013, and that the country by that point would be a functioning democracy suffering only "spasmodic" violence. Coincidentally, this prediction dovetails with the end of a first hypothetical McCain term. Implicit in these sunny remarks - which, according to the senator, do not amount to a timetable for withdrawal but an envisioning of eventual victory - is that a vote for McCain, the war's most optimistic backer, means, at a minimum, four more years of conflict. Incidentally, this would bring the grand total to a decade, or if you really want to consider it in mind-bending terms, a third of my entire life (I'd be 31 in January 2013). It is my belief that you can slot these promises right next to "Saddam Hussein has vast stockpiles of WMD,", "Iraqi oil money will pay for the war," "Mission Accomplished," "we're turning the corner," and "we're turning the corner."

Additionally, McCain presaged international pressure - including that exerted by Russia and China - forcing Iran and North Korea to abandon development of nuclear weapons, a robust American economy (fueled, of course, by corporate tax cuts), and the death or capture of Osama bin Laden. Such achievements would, indeed, warrant him a second term; invoking them now with hopes for a first seems like putting the cart before the horse, or to employ a metaphor now familiar to millions of Americans, borrowing the down-payment on a home you're purchasing with an adjustible-rate mortgage.

On the bright side, further highlighting the historically unique incompetence, corruption, and isolation of the current administration, Senator McCain has promised to hold weekly press conferences and, in a move more familiar to parliamentary democracies, submit to questions from Congress. This last move would be a bold innovation indeed; while executive-legislative overlap has been increasing throughout our history - the president assuming a great role in shaping legislative initiatives, and delivering the State of the Union address in person rather than by letter, as was once the custom - never has the Chief Executive ever deigned to be held directly accountable to the Congress. I suspect that if the Democrats retain, if not expand, their grip on both the House and Senate, this will be the first broken promise of the McCain administration; that's politics. At this point, I'd settle for a president who enforces and obeys the laws that Congress passes, and that he (I'd say she, but Hillary's done, haven't you heard?) or his predecessors have signed. You can say this for McCain: at least he's not a torturer.