18 October 2007

The Yankees Are Dumb, Steinbrenner Incapacitated, Film at 11

See ya!

It is often said that the undoing of the coup that temporarily deposed Mikhail Gorbachev in August of 1991 was a disastrous press conference broadcast on Soviet state television that pretty much gave everyone the impression that nobody was running the ship. Well, right now, the New York Yankees are having that same press conference.

As we speak, team president Randy Levine is on a conference call with the media following Joe Torre's rejection of the Yankees' $5 million, one-year deal to manage the club. Over the past 10 days, the Yankee dynasty off of the field has completely unraveled. After the Yanks bowed out 3-1 to the Tribe last Monday following Steinbrenner's senile grumblings to a Bergen Record reporter over the weekend that Torre "probably wouldn't be back" if the team lost the series, everyone figured his goose was cooked. Then began the bizarre waiting game, which has extended through now, which all of the sudden went from a Torre death watch to a what the fuck is going on with the Yankees? watch. Torre was coming back; no, LaRussa's the manager; no, Mattingly; wait, Mattingly said he's not ready for the job; no, Mattingly's agent says that's a lie; we're still meeting at Chez Steinbrenner in Tampa, the mahi mahi was lovely, but no decisions yet, don't call us, we'll call you.

Frankly, here's what we know: Steinbrenner is out of the picture, or at least people are saying "that's nice George, but Vince Lombardi is a football coach, and he's dead besides." Everyone else has slaved under his iron fist for so long that they totally have the zap on them like Iraqis after the fall of Saddam. "Free? You give us electricity and politics, G.I. Joe?" The Steinbrenner sons are acting like "we can give a shit, pls mail us the checks when you sell team, kthnxbi."

Look, if you wanted Torre, you should have sucked it up, given him a two year deal at what he's earning now, and be done with it: 4 WS rings, and 12 playoff appearances in 12 seasons is a pretty goddamn good record. Instead these chuckleheads fly him down to Tampa to sing for his supper and then hand him some "fuck you, take or leave it" offer - the option automatically vests if the team wins the World Series next year, ho ho ho - and he rightly said "suck my dick, I've danced with The Boss when he had a head on his shoulders and something inside of it." Peace!