I Didn't Go to CMJ So You Don't Have To

Where does he come up with all of this zaniness?

So (papers shuffling) uh...*cough*...if you don't think that New York City offers a suitable panoply of horrifically shitty indie bands on a regular basis, each year College Music Journal throws a little week-long industry/press/average Joe schmooze fest where these unwashed hordes flood venues from your basement (I'm not kidding; there's an Indonesian hardcore band down there as we speak) to, uh the Apple Store in SoHo. The point, I guess, is to get these acts that we read about on blogs all year long (not this one though; I'm too busy writing about Bruce Springsteen and racism in pro sports) in front of the people who...write those blogs.

For authentic coverage by people who could be bothered to check out...uh...Cool Kids:
New York Times CMJ Blog
Idolator CMJ Coverage
Should be Pitchfork's CMJ Stuff, but they use pretty unspecific tags (like I should talk)
Tom Breihan evincing passive resignation sprinkled with faint glimmers of hope
More Voice
Brooklyn Vegan's yadda yadda yadda
And Stereogum's partridge in a pear tree

Hott bands you simply had to see:
Black Kids
Mika Miko
The Cool Kids
er...Spoon
HEALTH
No Age
Yeasayer (Winner: Worst Band Name Ever 2007)
Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band

Bands with "dirty" in the name, in no Dirty Projectors shocka:
The Dirty Pearls
The Dirty Secrets
Dirty Vegas

Bands with "Maccabees" in the name:
Maccabees
The Maccabees

???:
Care Bears on Fire

Ass Dog Eating Horror Shows:
Dan Deacon